Your local ace expert here with the third instalment of my ace painting series. This time, I’m here to talk about what people typically have the hardest time understanding about asexuals: love and relationships.
It seems like the logistics of relationships is only thing anyone is interested in when they first learn the term “asexual”. The fact that relationships can exist without sexual attraction seems incomprehensible to many. Upon finding out that someone is ace, people suddenly think it’s acceptable to ask all sorts of very personal questions. Questions they never would have asked before, in fact. Questions which might seem rude, intrusive, and even graphically explicit. Like a magic wand has been waved, and suddenly they have carte blanche to quiz you on all sorts of uncomfortable topics.
Well, since I am here to educate, let me answer some of these questions (so you don’t need to put your ace friends in an awkward and uncomfortable position). First of all, consider that there are many different types of attraction: sexual, romantic, aesthetic, even platonic. Some asexuals are also aromantic (lacking romantic attraction), but that’s not the case for everyone. Aces can still have relationships, as long as we find someone who understands and accepts us, even if they aren’t ace themselves. Secondly, some aces still choose to have sex (attraction and libido are separate, after all), and this does not in any way invalidate their asexual identity. Asexuals are varied and unique individuals, and though most of us do not seek out sexual experiences, some still enjoy them despite not feeling sexual attraction. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, and as long as the the people in the relationship are happy, nothing else should really matter.
Now please do not ask aces personal questions about their relationships that you wouldn’t ask non-aces thank you.